aeblog

I don't have a sister to spare

I am writing a new song about my sister and I just keep on listening to it and feeling it without really being able to critically work on it from a musical standpoint. I love my sister so much, but often I don't know how to express it and I fear that I may therefore not do so enough and inadvertantly give her the impression that I don't care as much as I do.
It is easier for me in many ways to write a song about her (to her?) as communication of these feelings than any other method. For me, this is the ultimate form of expression. I live with the topics I choose to write songs about day in and day out for weeks at a time while creating them and I can only do this with things that I care tremendously about. Sometimes it's the musical content that is paramount, and other times, like this time, it's the emotional content.
I miss my sister often but am not sure how to do anything about this. She is getting married soon and I have an irrational fear that this will pull her further away from me. That somehow this slight change of relationship status for her (they have been living together for a long time already) will signify something in my relationship with her. That I will lose part of her. It is quite likely that I am being selfish here, but I can't help it. I want more for myself.
Writing music helps me deal with these strong emotions. Usually it helps me feel better. And sometimes the song is good.

D, I love you.