aeblog

heavy weather

the rain is chasing me.
a wall of buckshot
pelting the ocean's surface
hard enough to strangle the mackerel.

strangle them with a freshness
a freshness they are not used to.
gills pumping crimson and silver streaks
mimicking the august sky
in a place where the first
solar eclipse was ever recorded,
in north america

storms make me lonely,
as they catch up to me.
the passing of time makes me sad,
and the sound of water
leaves me unthinkable.

this is heavy weather
this is what I live for
this is what I would die for
and I can’t help
that I like it.

==========================

listen to 'heavy weather'

The Clouds

How easy it would be
to be scared of clouds.
as silent as they are massive
as arbitrary as they are menacing
shifting the pattern of blue and white
and changing sunny warmth
into purple shadows
and back again.

How easy it would be
to run off the edge of a cliff
like a flock of little puffy sheep
trying to imitate the little puffy cloud
happy, almost smiling, by itself
in the distance.

how easy it would be
to jump down the throat of a dragon,
to taste the fire at its source
before the flames begin to lick.
to feel the abrasions of its esophagus
and the warmth of its belly;
to be protected from the claws.

How easy it would be
to be afraid of clouds.
But I have seen them;
I have seen them before.

rocking, out

Tonight, a rock smiled at me.
Jagged and crooked and sloping downwards,
as if the snow cover
gave him the comfort
to reveal his true rockiness
to me, alone.

As I trudged past
he opened up, tectonically, and I swear
I almost saw his eyes too.
I stopped to take notice
my snowy wake suspended,
and he froze, slightly agape,
pretending to not exist.

But I know better.
I know there was a smile -
a dark and halfway formed crevasse -
and I am almost positive
that when I turned to continue,
out of the corner of my eye,
there was wink.

yesterday had its problems

the angrier you make me,
the more that I hate me.
only I can save me
from this fucking situation.

goodbye, dear situation
goodbye, dear situation
goodbye, dear situation
goodbye.

swallowed

my house is my cage
I have swallowed the key
steel box for my rage
did it purposefully

locked from the inside
keep me away from things that breathe
my own clean Eden
filled with greys and slow motion

================

I sit in the corner
turn off all the lights
and close my eyes
make it even darker

my hands are cold
but they don't have to be
silently naked
still and tensely

I make myself
small as I can be
it's safer that way
maybe they won't see

I try to stop my brain
from hurting me
torture and dynasty
flat hands, green incredulity

================

I stare at the phone
my knees to my chest
I stare at the wall
and nothing happens at all

I want to scream
there's nothing louder than me
to drown my hesitation
the thoughts critically

===============

this air I breathe
sealed by Hermes
has been in and out of my body
hundreds of times

dropping off its oxygen
little by little
like messengers from the Kuyper belt
delivering tiny reddening pearls

I want to be the smoke
that climbs my chimney
blue gray and dancing
up up and out

I send it; a signal
dissipating in the crystalline air
before my neighbors can see
something's glowing inside

==================

this song is written
for those of you who listen
you see the patterns
in the disintegration of logs

---------------------------------------------------

listen to 'swallowed'

the visitor

I don't know what is happening to me
I don't know what to do
I'm sitting here, in my bed
coming unscrewed

thinking about the power of depression
thinking about my own self worth
the summer's coming quickly
after this time of rebirth

a day can be
a terrifying proposition
the bus to school
surviving the pool

my face is hot, my hands are cold
all I feel is my surface
I know that I am radiating
an ultraviolet purpose

you've got to cry yourself to better
you've got to cry yourself to better
you've got to cry yourself to better
you've got to better yourself to cry

I feel this weekend looming
like an irrepressibly tall asterisk
like a building on fire
with pieces falling off

last night I got a taste
a taste of what I fear
a taste of what I want
it could not be less clear

it tasted like the ocean
it tasted like the wind
it made my mind overheat
to the wall with a tack, I am pinned

I've got to write myself to better
I've got to write myself to better
I've got to write myself to better
I've got to better myself to write

too many thoughts are floating through my head
too many words are trapped in my hands
too many rocks are filling my whole mouth
too many hours are insisting on this day

too many lights are shining on my brain
too many stones are stuck in my shoe
too many notes are wanting to be released
too much pain I have locked away

wantingandnotwantingandwantingandnotwantingandwantingandnotwanting

your smile made the ocean
a suspension of golden eagles
backs rippling in the sun
feathers holding to the wind

the cold air has frozen
the diamond on the drawer
I am photographing my life
swimming further from the shore

it's two o'clock in the afternoon
and I'm still still still lying here
the fan hasn't stopped spinning
the walls haven't moved

they haven't moved in
in to compact me
to turn me into a little fleshy cube
easily disposable

from where did you originate
who invited you out to play?
it feels more and more like
a song a day will keep you away.

a song a day will keep you away.

now I can get up;
the house is warm.

============

listen to 'the visitor'

just in case you didn't know...

predictable?

I am such a nice person
I get along well with everyone.
Just give me good instructions,
and I'll work and work to get it done.

thank you for this information
it really is enlightening
sorry if I don't calculate,
your formula is frightening